The Diagnosis

Initially, I was quite reserved in college. Gradually, I made friends and opened up. There’s just so much talent on campus, so many beautiful minds; I was learning a lot.

Suddenly, somewhere during the second year, it happened without warning. Getting out of the bed was a task. I’d drag myself to college everyday and feel overwhelmed. I couldn’t think straight. Everything was pointless. I wanted to end it and often thought about the peace death offered; it was alluring. A dear friend of mine told me he was worried I’d do something to myself. It was an eye opener. I reached out to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with acute depression and suicidal tendencies.

Struggling with Recovery

I returned home to recuperate. As advised, I’d workout everyday. For a while, physical engagement did help take a break from my head. But it was a task to explain to my parents and family. They could see my distress as well as my pain, but couldn’t make any sense out of it. Most believe in the myth that a depressed person is sad all the time, few know how it manifests itself into every cell of the human body. I wasn’t taken seriously because I didn’t have a history of trauma (mental/physical). The stigma and the helplessness began to take a toll on me. One can workout, take pills on time and function by the rulebook, but if the environment is emotionally abusive, doesn’t hold you at your weakest, you begin to crumble at the slightest bit.

Monica living with depression

Living with Depression

Over the past year I have been diagnosed with multiple forms of depression. My medication has changed drastically. So much has happened, it is enough to last a lifetime and beyond. I resumed college, took up a job and keep myself as engaged as I can. There is no claim to recovery for now. I am still living with depression and struggle to accept, love and care about myself. Some days are happy. On other days I drive myself insane under the pressure of recovering soon.

I want people to read about depression. Most with it will not reach out to you, they don’t have the energy to, we need to build a society where we constantly look out for each other.

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